? NEXPERIENCE - An article by: VICTOR MMENDIE
2019......
WHAT A YEAR!!!!
One of fulfillment, mirth, sweat, tears and blood. In all of these intertwining events, one very grateful point of it all is that we are still breathing, alive and living. Not everyone lived up till this moment; so don't feel too special. Instead, be grateful.
The year 2019 means different things to different people. As much as it means accomplishments to others, it means disappointments to some others. As much as it means ardor to others, it also means failure to some others. These different perceptual views based on individual experiences forms the title of this series - NEXPERIENCE.
Oh Yes! I know some might be wondering, "What is NEXPERIENCE?...... Does the word "NEXPERIENCE" exist?
NO! NEXPERIENCE isn't an original word at least for now. I only originated it for the sake of this article and to teach a lesson.
But if you pay close attention to the word NEXPERIENCE, you'll observe the sound it exerts and exudes. It's an artistic merging of two different words, "NEXT" & "EXPERIENCE". These two words, although regular words are very powerful. If you follow It's core, it will change your perception of life and better ways to live through it.
Whatever 2019 has made you face, both good or bad is an EXPERIENCE. However, EXPERIENCE loses it's potency when one doesn't use it to correct or modify a present situation and even the future. As it's often known, the word EXPERIENCE is used to describe a past or previous event that happened in one's life. This same word has given rise to a PREFIX which is rampantly used to describe a past event, person or situation. That prefix is called "EX". A person can have an EX-CAR, EX-LOVER, EX-JOB, EX-CAREER, EX-HOUSE, EX-PROPERY, etc.
It's normal to have different EXes but abnormal not to move on after them.
Sad to write, most people don't grow out of their experiences to face their NEXT EXPERIENCE. Whatever has happened in your life is what has brought you to the point you're now. Rather than brooding or being too overjoyed, the question should be - WHAT'S NEXT?
The "WHAT NEXT" question is what many today haven't asked themselves, let alone answer. They live everyday without a sense of purpose and plan.
This has placed them in a point of utter stagnancy. The word "NEXT" might be such a lonely word but without it, this life will only be futility. The "NEXT" mindset has been intelligently placed by God himself such that we're involuntarily aware of what "NEXT"  to do at every point of our lives. Sadly, myriads don't use their "NEXT" mindset.
Imagine you wake up in the morning and remain in bed for the rest of the day just because you aren't cautious of what to do NEXT, how will life be?
You're in bed all day not because your legs are incapacitated but because you don't know what to do and at the right time. What a miserable life that would be because nothing at all can be achieved that way!!!
Similarly, a person might have all the  talents, ideas, beauty, brains, connections, exposure, problems, pain, sadness and even EXPERIENCE. But if such person doesn't know what do NEXT, he/she will remain figuratively incapacitated and won't move forward.
We are going to consider 5 factors that could cause someone not to move on with his/her NEXPERIENCE (NEXT EXPERIENCE).

1. Heartbreak
2. Moons-Ago Lifestyle
3. Pursuing Someone else's dream
4. Comparison
5. Not Letting Go

HEARTBREAK
Candidly, moving forward can be very hard especially coming from a very difficult state of mind or a perilous circumstance. No one is a superhuman such that he/she doesn't possess the pathos to be hurt, gyp or even grim.
We all at one time or the other have been heartbroken. When the words, "HEARTBREAK", "HEARTBROKEN" is mentioned, most people immediately relate to a breakup, broken relationship or the unfaithfulness of a partner. YES! That really and truly does hurts because emotions are involved and also the "LOVE" factor. However, you don't need to be cheated upon or experience a breakup lest you feel heartbroken. There are other factors of life that can cause one to be HEARTBROKEN which can be more painful than a cheating partner. Nothing can compare to losing a loved one in death. There's no feeling, so bereft that can go pari-paru with the losing of someone you love - it's a complete dismality. Also, the utter betrayal from a trusted friend can be heartbreaking, loss of a job, unjust treatment, maltreatment, favoritism etc.
It's can be very difficult to get through those heart-wrenching situations in life. 
Now, WHAT NEXT?
In all of these, you still need to move on come what may. How?
When you accept every troubling circumstance of life as a reality especially knowing that you can't undo it, you face it courageously and win over it. For example, you are deeply in love with someone so much that every drop of blood in your blood streams are silhouettes of that person. Sadly sudden, he/she cheats on you or calls off the relationship amidst the love petals, such feeling can almost be life-threatening. Moving on means that you're emotionally intelligent and not emotionally weak. When emotions rages, try and replace those raging emotions by making excuses for them. When hurt by someone you love, why not look at the reward of such hurt. What if that person was never meant for you in the first place? What if that taught you something on unexpectedness even from the most seemingly beautiful situation? What if it built a more stronger version of you? What if that taught you a lesson on the unpredictable nature of life?
When you examine all these excuses as a replacement for such hurt, it will be easier for you to move on and use the experience as a hallmark for your NEXPERIENCE (NEXT EXPERIENCE).
Having considered the possibility of moving forward after any "HEARTBREAK" of any sort, let's now consider the next hindrance to moving forward - MOONS-AGO LIFESTYLE

MOONS-AGO LIFESTYLE
The expression "moons ago" is an idiomatic expression that means "a long time ago". Hence, leading a lifestyle that is moon's ago means living a particular kind of life that has never changed for a very long time. It is only seamless to connect stagnancy to that kind of lifestyle. Moving forward can be altered completely when you aren't driven by progression, advancement, development and furtherance. Consider this case study: A young man Aiden, from the age of 18 had always maintained friendships with individuals that excessively took alcohol. Right from his teenage age, Aiden associated with these individuals until he became addicted to alcohol consumption. He still continued the ties with the same unwholesome associates until age 30. Happily, he went into nuptial bliss at age 33 and was still keeping friendships with the same group of friends. Few years down his nuptial line, he was confirmed sterile and couldn't reproduce. Aiden's unfortunate state of sterility was as a result of his excessive alcohol consumption all his life. He experienced a terrible marriage and suffered diabetes shortly after. Such a tragic story!!! You'd notice that there was something repeatedly occurring in Aiden's life - KEEPING THE WRONG KINDS OF FRIENDS. Some persons feel so indifferent with being used to a particular course of life without identifying the Gordian knot with such lifestyle.
Aiden's unfortunate story wouldn't have been anyway averted because he was swayed by sticking to a particular kind of lifestyle without identifying the potential dangers and strive to move out of it, thus making a progression. He felt so comfortable with the wrong type of friends who eventually led him into misery. Aiden didn't feel the need to progress in furtherance, which would have made him enjoy his NEXT EXPERIENCE - a happy family life!
At a point, a person will feel the need to settle down and start a family, thereby stepping into his/her NEXT EXPERIENCE. However, if the necessary changes and adjustments are not firsthand made now, it will be a case of being in a merry boat-cruise only to fall into a deadly waterfall.
Take a closer look - Aiden was already in his NEXT EXPERIENCE of conjugal bliss but because of his MOONS-AGO kind of lifestyle, he experienced a miserable life after that; which supposed to be the other way round.
LESSON: Who are your dining partners on this table of life? What kind of lifestyle are you leading now?
Remember: The sort of friends you associate yourself with goes a long way to determine a boat-cruise life for you as it were or a disastrous end in an unexpected waterfall. Never be scared to let go anyone that leads you to fail and even induce you to break your integrity. Why? Because no repercussion is shared even when the wrong was committed by a crowd - you will individually face yours in your own time and season even when a "friend" was involved. 
Live a life that will be seamless with your future. Push hard for great progression and not stuck to a one-way ticket.
And like Frederick Douglass says, "Inaction is followed by stagnation. Stagnation is followed by pestilence and pestilence is followed by death".
No one wishes for this sort of end. So press on to progression and strive for furtherance.


PURSUING SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM
The dream of nearly every graduate, both male or female is to get a well paid job and become successful. Eventually, he/she gets the job and everything about such person automatically becomes wired around that job such that they forget to find their purpose in life. Candidly, it is often advisable to work for others in order to gain a wealth of knowledge or experience. But how long that will last will only make or break!

 Let's be reasonable: Some very successful entrepreneurs today worked for other people/organisation lest they decided to establish theirs. Other successful entrepreneurs today didn't have that opportunity to work for people but gained experience through their own entrepreneurial journey. The bottom line in the two categories above is that they eventually became successful entrepreneurs anyway; controlling successful businesses.
Assuming the owners or CEOs of every successful firm or company we have today decided to just get a job rather than pursue a career that involves affecting people's life and solving a problem, would THE DREAM OF GETTING A GOOD JOB EVER COME IN OUR HEADS?
The reason for unemployment in our society is because the numbers of employers are very few compared to the numbers of job-seekers. The numbers of graduates are way more than the companies that suppose to employ these ones. 
 So imagine that all the CEOS  of successful brands and even shareholders of today didn't work hard to find their own dream and build on it, the people already working now will be left with no employment, let alone the recent graduates.
Working for someone else is very important but you must set a plan for your own future. When you are working for someone, always prepare your exit point or else they will do it for you in a very unexpectedly disheartening way. Never forget your own path to follow and build on. No individual possess any special place in any organisation. Once they later perceive you as unfit even though you are very much skillful, they throw you out like a sucked orange. Most people find it hard to get back on their feet when unexpectedly relieved of their jobs because they failed to prepare their exit point while they were still working in such organisation. They were so much carried away by the blooming phase that they didn't focus on their own dream. It's not too late to find your purpose and fulfill your dream. Never be shaken by fear of how you'll stand on your own. It might be so difficult at the first few stages but you'll eventually make headway in the end. This article isn't advising anyone to resign from their jobs and pursue a career in a fell swoop. NO. Instead, it is exhorting you to be a person of purpose, plan and destination. You can have a dream to fulfill and decide to work for a period of time in order to gather enough capital to start yours. That is what the point is and it is very crucial. Don't just get a 9-5 job and live your life in blindfolds. What if you are relieved of that job, how will you be able to cope without a second plan? Don't waste all your life pursuing someone else's dream and forget to fulfill yours. Remember your dream might solve a problem or fulfill the need for the other person. Before you get a job, have a plan and purpose. While you are still working for someone/organisation, always focus on your plan and purpose. Set a deadline and stick to it so you're not caught in the web of unexpectedness. Following your dreams is an exhausting, draining effort--but the rewards are well worth it all.
Join Us tomorrow we we consider the fourth hindrance to your NEXT EXPERIENCE - "COMPARISON"

COMPARISON
"Comparison" in itself isn't a bad thing especially when the intentions surrounding it is for a good course such that advancement can be made. Where characteristics are different, the differences may then be evaluated to determine which thing is best suited for a particular purpose.
However, "Comparison" can be a deadly pitfall of self-devaluation if misused. First, everyone has got an attribute, talent or skill that makes us truly unique. The logjam is when you begin to dampened your own uniqueness to covet the uniqueness of someone else. Comparison can lead to two disastrous consequences:
1. Self-devaluation
2. Death
 For instance, Araya is a good writer as well as a very fluent speaker. Whereas, Araya's friend, Layla is so beautiful, very charming but isn't as expressive and fluent as Araya. These are two different people with different amazing qualities. However, looking at these two lasses through your mind's eyes, which of them is liable to become low-spirited and lead the comparison thug of war?
Araya most definitely. WHY? Because of societal influence and general affirmation.
From time long-lasting, the world has uphold physical beauty as the only form of beauty there is. We also have intellectual beauty which is the best form of beauty. Through intellectual beauty, we've come to have myriad cosmetologists and dermatologists creating solutions for even the physical beauty.
Call to mind that Araya possess even more attributes than Layla. Asides being a good writer, she's also very fluent which gives her greater advantage. But because she didn't believe in herself and truly identified her worth, but allowed the world to define her, she gave into to comparison and began to develop low self-esteem. Layla lacked the attributes that Araya possess, but the one thing Layla didn't lack is "SELF-WORTH". Layla was confident in her beauty with a large amount of SELF-WORTH. That is why even the fluency and writing skills of Araya didn't intimidate Layla because she believed in herself.
Death can result if comparison is overly stretched. Lack of contentment is one of the factors that leads a person to compare. When you're not content with the potentials you have, you begin to compare your abilities with the different abilities of someone else.
 A person may feel inadequate, not because he/she doesn't possess certain valuable potentials that can be useful, but because he/she still feels that his/her potentials isn't enough and can't fit into any usefulness. Once the intention for discontentment isn't actualize, JEALOUSY sets in. When a person continues to long for the uniqueness of others, it grows into JEALOUSY because such a person feels threatened by the abilities of other person. After JEALOUSY is best rehearsed, it leads to hatred. Once HATRED becomes fully heated, it can lead to MURDER. But it all began with just mere comparing and contrasting. We need to be careful how we view others from ourselves. Rather than comparing abilities, achievements, influence and so on, be inspired by what others possess and be humble ENOUGH to learn from the other person. It takes humility to accept that your limitations may be someone else's completion. In a world where iPhone users compare themselves with Android users and draw conclusions of apogee; forgetting that the grave is the only place that doesn't accept comparisons but reality. Imagine that we are all like each other. We think the same things, perceive the same smell, love the same color, possess the same qualities and Cherish the same things. Will life be worth living? Definitely not!
 But here we are and beautifully made by God in our different attributes. We possess different amazing and outstanding qualities so that rather than compare, we connect and benefit from the potentials of each other. When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you. Rather than compare, be content with your abilities and even thrive to learn from the other person because no one can replace your uniqueness, weaknesses and strengths....
See yourself as a work in progress and others as a work completed. It will be easier for you to learn from rather than compare yourself with them.
Remember:  “Personality begins where comparison ends.” Karl Lagerfeld

NOT LETTING GO
Were you hurt by someone you love?
Were you unjustly treated?
Were you betrayed by a close friend?
Were you cheated upon in a relationship?
Whatever the ordeal may be, you can turn your HURT INTO WISDOM.
Your ability to let go is another form of deep-seated strength and the greatest part of moving on to your next experience
One of the most painful emotional torture is when it comes from someone you love. When you love someone, it accompanies with trust. However, when someone you love thug at your heart strings, your heart immediately feels torn apart. The feeling can be very doleful - but you can overcome it if YOU CHOOSE TO.
Imagine you try to hold a hot pot with your bare hands thinking that you can bear the pain; only for the pain to be so intense. At that point, a reasonable person will immediately place the pot down so as not to get more hurt. Similarly, don't hold on to a hurt inflicted by someone you love. Let go of the hurt from your soul and reinstate your peace.
True strength lies not in holding back but in letting go. When you hold back pain, pain stays with you and saturates through every ramification of your life. But when you let go, pain goes out of you and then "peace of mind" becomes your reality. 
Unjust treatment can be so hurtful especially when certain privileges and rights are hijacked from you. It can be another level of pain. Even within the family circle, unjust treatments can be exhibited. You might be that child or person in the family that is often abdicated and overly ignored. You experience dejection or even rejection knowing that your views on matters are binned up. This can also be heart-wrenching. Notwithstanding, you can thrash all that up, relieve yourself of the hurt inside and keep moving on.
 Rather than feel morose over such painful reality, let go and move on. The more you let go, the more stronger you become and in turn can be a source of encouragement to someone else. Lessons are drawn from the ordeals we face in life so as to take note of possible pitfalls and avoid them. Even when a trusted friend gnaw your vitals so bad, pick the lesson in such ordeal and dispose the hurt that comes with it for the sake of your peace. Getting on with certain hurts is always for your good. Sometimes, people hurt your feels to see your reaction and test your patience. The more you keep rising above their vile expectations and dust them off, the more weaker they turn out to become in the end. You can’t possibly embrace that new relationship, that new companion, that new career, that new friendship, or that new life you want, while you’re still holding on to the baggage of the last one. Let go…..and allow yourself to embrace what is waiting for you right at your feet. 
It's being a brill journey of considering the many hindrances that can hesitate moving on with our NEXT EXPERIENCE. The aim of these series is to foster progress and furtherance. However, we can all rise up above being halted by whatever experiences we've had and still having - By learning to move on. People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. Hence, every experience is another facet of enlightenment. The mind once enlightened will never become dark.
In all, let's learn from our experience so we can smoothly move on with our NEXT EXPERIENCE - HAPPINESS & SUCCESS

4 Comments

  1. #MY 2020 MOTIVATION.
    diz is so excellent. Great job to the writer.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I always look forward to articles from you guys. This is soul lifter. I just saved it. Powerful

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always look forward to articles from you guys. This is soul lifter. I just saved it. Powerful

    ReplyDelete
  4. The last point NOT LETTING GO is so deep. Great

    ReplyDelete